I want to get so famous that I don't have to wake up in the morning. It'll probably never happen.

Jeff Foxworthy had that whole "You might be a redneck" thing; Larry the Cable Guy had "Git-R-Done." Some comics have that hook. Dane Cook had that super finger. So I just caught on early on. I ran with "Fluffy."

Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.

I was very dirty; I was a very dirty comic. There was no way I would have gotten on TV with the act I had when I first started.

I think the furthest I ever got was Guitar Hero. If I could start a band like that, I think I could do it.

I'll walk up to a woman, I'll say the first thing that comes to mind: 'Hey, you hungry?'

I don't wanna just be remembered for the funniest guy in my neighborhood.