If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone.

I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere.

I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and don't talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble.

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers 'cause they're so serious, you know.

The girl voice is always going to kill because they don't expect it.

I did Popeye and Ronald Reagan and everybody was saying things like "yeah he's a cute little kid" but I started, little by little, telling stories about people I'd met and expanded my voices.

By the end of the semester [in the high school] I was the only one up in front of the class everyday. Actually I could have passed the class four times over because every time you got in front of the class you got extra credit.That was the only class I got an A in and it was the funniest report card because it read Speech - A but everything else was just D, D, D, D.