If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

I never go perform somewhere alone. I've done that since day one. I've always taken other comics with me.

I got on the high school speech team and everyday I would get up in front of the class and just start talking.

I know what it's like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it.

Sometimes [high school speech team] was funny, other times it was just talking, but it gave me the confidence to speak in front of people after doing that for a whole year.

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.