If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone.

I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what I'm doing. If I can keep this going, I'm happy.

[Making people laugh] was a secret dream I kept and I didn't tell anybody about it until I was about 18.

As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People don't see that I'm away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.

You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things don't work out in life, they work out on stage.

I'm not fat. I'm fluffy!

I'm never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. I'm not always there for important times, because I'm out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax.