A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.

To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.

Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.

Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough. Thank you for the rain. And for the chance to wake up in three hours and go fishing: I thank you for that now, because I won't feel so thankful then.

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.

Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.

America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.