If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real talent. But I persevered and eventually found my own row to hoe. Ignorance of other writers' work keeps me from discouragement and I am less well-read than the average bus driver.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold of it.

As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A main value in Minnesota is still: don't waste my time, don't B.S. me, I wasn't born yesterday.

We'd all be alot happier if we'd stop assuming we're supposed to be happy.

The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.