Face it: a nation that maintains a 72% approval rating on George W. Bush is a nation with a very loose grip on reality.

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.

You'd learn more about the world by lying on the couch and drinking gin out of a bottle than by watching the news.

Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself.

TV news is as bloody as Shakespeare but without the intelligence and the poetry. If you watch television news you know less about the world than if you drank gin out of a bottle

When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.