Boys, the first drink is a boon, the second is a gamble, the third is poor judgment, and then the rate of descent gets steep

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

You learn this great lesson of life: it's not about me. It's just not. The matter of talent-which seemed so important to you when you were young-is not of great importance. We're simply a conduit. We take things out of the air into us and put them in the form of stories. That's pretty much it.

Give up your good 'Christian' life and follow Jesus

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.

I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to escape from the Midwest. A writer lives a great deal in his own head, and so one intuitively finds places where your head is more clear. New York for me is one of those places.

Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.