Boys, the first drink is a boon, the second is a gamble, the third is poor judgment, and then the rate of descent gets steep

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.

Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door

Bad things don't happen to writers; it's all material.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

I was brought up imagining that cream rises to the top, merit wins out, the race is to the swift and riches to men of understanding, but it ain't necessarily so. The swift stand a better chance if they are also beautiful.