Boys, the first drink is a boon, the second is a gamble, the third is poor judgment, and then the rate of descent gets steep

Every show is your last show. That's my philosophy.

IMPORTANT Book reading is a solitary and sedentary pursuit, and those who do are cautioned that a book should be used as an integral part of a well-rounded life, including a daily regimen of rigorous physical exercise, rewarding personal relationships, and sensible low-fat diet. A book should not be used a as a substitute or an excuse.

I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

In romance, as in life, you only learn when you're losing.

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.