Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

I felt bad for that world that we have given a generation of kids.

America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.

A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom of most good writing.

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.

Where I'm from we don't trust paper. Wealth is what's here on the premises. If I open a cupboard and see, say, thirty cans of tomato sauce and a five-pound bag of rice, I get a little thrill of well-being - much more so than if I take a look at the quarterly dividend report from my mutual fund.