A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.

When you're a little kid, your heart is open and tender and a harsh word can go straight in and become part of your life.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.

... I never was one to get upset about a few scratches on a motor vehicle, it is meant to be used, not saved.