Wal-Mart is going in and slaughtering [small towns] just as we once killed the buffalo.

Sometimes you have to look reality in the eye, and deny it.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.

I've seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.

Vodka is tasteless going down, but it is memorable coming up.