Wal-Mart is going in and slaughtering [small towns] just as we once killed the buffalo.

Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.

Don't pour the oil directly into my navel, pour it on my sternum and let it run down into my navel, you ignorant peasant.

It's confidence; it has to be something good about getting old. One of the things is that you just don't stress about some stuff that made you so worried.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

When you wage war on the public schools, you're attacking the mortar that holds the community together. You're not a conservative, you're a vandal.