Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.

Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

When you're in your 20s, your 30s, even, you have - at least, I had - vast ambitions, and you sit around mooning about these things, and you're depressed, because you haven't done them. And it takes you a long time to come to the realization that if you can't be John Updike, well, then, you can't.

When you're old you feast on your memories, and if you spend too much time on exercise, you may get old and not have many.

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor