Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon

A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'.

Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

I write on a laptop, so it's impossible to count drafts anymore.

We writers don't really think about whether what we write is good or not. It's too much to worry about. We just put the words down, trying to get them right, operating by some inner sense of pitch and proportion, and from time to time, we stick the stuff in an envelope and ship it to an editor.

People do what they are told not to do. It happens time and time again. Here on the frozen tundra, it is known as the Tongue on the Frozen Pump Handle principle.

That's why God created marriage, so people wouldn't have to fight with strangers.