Roy Blount's stuff makes me laugh so hard, sometimes I have to go sit in a room and shut the door

I don't associate work with feelings of satisfaction. Rather, guilt, frustration, and resentment of people who write better than I do.

Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.

A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache.

I'm not busy... a woman with three children under the age of 10 wouldn't think my schedule looked so busy.

Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth breather there is.