..people (in Minnesota) avoid stupidity when possible, not wanting to be a $10 haircut on a 50 cent head.

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache.

America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

Some people think it is difficult to be a Christian and to laugh, but I think it's the other way around. God writes a lot of comedy, its just that he has so many bad actors.

Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.

I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it.