Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it!

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.

... life itself is brief, and that is what charges the day with such ridiculous beauty.

We thank you [the soldiers recently returned from the middle east] for your service.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.

I feel it's so hard for young actors; It's a different world that they're coming up in; there's so much money to be made off of their personal lives, and people are bound and determined to make that money.