We all know you can get AIDS from sex, but did you know that you can get sex from aides?

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.

Powdermilk biscuits: Heavens, theyre tasty and expeditious! Theyre made from whole wheat, to give shy persons the strength to get up and do what needs to be done

Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.

You get old and you realize there are no answers, just stories.

All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?