He was admired for never being at a loss for words and never wasting any either.

If you lived today as if it were your last, you'd buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn't you?

Second violins can play a concerto perfectly if they're in their own home and nobody's there.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

In California virtually everyone has had their teeth whitened. If they all smiled at once, they would give us a headache.

This is the big reason most humorists fail. Drunks don't read books.

A romp in the hay lingers like the first line of a song, but your true love is the one you make a life with and write more than a line about, you write a whole book.