No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.

Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.

All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?

My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts.

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life.

Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.

For me, the monologue was the favorite thing I had done in radio. It was based on writing, but in the end it was radio, it was standing up and leaning forward into the dark and talking, letting words come out of you.