No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.

A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table - There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about it.

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.

A man can't eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.