No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.

I usually don't work with other people; I do the whole show myself.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

No matter what time of year I come here, people always say the same thing: Its not usually like this.

It's better to be burnished with use than rusty with principle.

March is the month God created to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like.

Majestic doesn't appeal to us. We [Americans] like the Grand Canyon better with Clarence and Arlene parked in front of it, smiling.