They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

I'm a lucky guy. I get to sit around every day and indulge in make believe and get paid for it.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?

When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Intelligence is like four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.

Don't tear up the page and start over again when you write a bad line-try to write your way out of it. Make mistakes and plunge on. Writing is a means of discovery, always.