Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

I practice safe sex - I use an airbag.

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"

I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session.

I'm not a party guy. I don't carouse very much.

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

I'm dating a homeless woman. It was easier talking her into staying over.