My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

Women need to know that not all guys are going to hurt them the way that the guy did before they started dating me. I know guys I wouldn't go out with.

Without comedy as a defense mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show.

My first appearance as a guest on The Tonight Show was in '81.

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

Was the Buddha married? His wife would say, "Are you just going to sit around like that all day?"