My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.

My dog watches me on TV. So, if I may take this opportunity, "No! No! No!"

You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't.

They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.

I've never had anyone put on a puppet show to convince me of anything. And I've done a lot of stuff. I don't know that I would put the puppets on when I was pitching a show. This was the head of the studio putting a puppet show on. And I'll tell you, he wasn't bad.

Oysters are supposed to enhance your sexual performance, but they don't work for me. Maybe I put them on too soon.

The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show.