Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Rich people are just like us though they now eat their meals off square shaped plates.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in.

I really shine in front of prominently Jewish crowds. Normally I really beat myself up, but as far as Jewish audiences go, I'm at the top of my game.

Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.

For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.

When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.