No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

Maybe a silver lining to growing old is being able to watch Usual Suspects for the first time, again.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.