My brother is a tax guy, and the way I look at it, it's like he's spending his life saving money for rich people. So I think making strangers laugh, at least having a creative component to your profession, is more manageable for me. I can live with that a lot easier.

When you're gay every party is a bad sweater party.

I was born when my dad was 50... It's weird growing up with a dad that much older than you. We'd go to the movies, we're both getting discounts.

There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow more precious than a pot of gold.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.