If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

Ever drive by one of those things on the highway which tells you how fast you're going? I don't even pay attention to them anymore because I found a similar gadget in my dashboard... Some people slow down at those things... I don't slow down. I speed up and set the high score.

The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.

I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!

I just always wonder if I'm too obsessive about subjects. I try to avoid that.