I hate nickels; they're quarter impersonators.

I went to Boston College. It's a Catholic college, yeah I had a nickname there: Jew.

Some people hate Jews. Fine, alright it's been done. I mean, that's part of my problem with it. Could you hate somebody new? I'm not giving you any suggestions but the Belgians have had a good run.

Is it common for people to become a pothead at 40? Asking for myself.

My brother is a tax guy, and the way I look at it, it's like he's spending his life saving money for rich people. So I think making strangers laugh, at least having a creative component to your profession, is more manageable for me. I can live with that a lot easier.

What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.