The popcorn button on the microwave is a miraculous invention. More miraculous than even the microwave itself.

What I need is an Urban Thesaurus. I know what money is what I need is 600 different ways to say it.

Without my family, I'd be something.

Just saw an orthodox Jewish kid do 3 pull-ups on the scaffolding. Shattering the previous record.

Every cookie is a sugar cookie. A cookie without sugar is a cracker.

The other thing is that I'm a pretty moody guy, but no one really wants to see a normal-looking guy complain about things or talk about being unhappy. That's hard. Most people are like, 'Well, you have all your hair and you're tall, so why are you unhappy?' That can be limiting.

The definition of the word nerd has changed. It's now any attractive person with a hobby. The loneliness component is no longer included.