I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. If all economists were laid end to end they would not reach a conclusion.

God has given us a world that nothing but our own folly keeps from being a paradise.

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.

I have never admitted the right of an elderly author to alter the work of a young author, even when the young author happens to be his former self.

I hope you have lost your good looks, for while they last any fool can adore you, and the adoration of fools is bad for the soul.