What I say today everybody will say tomorrow, though they will not remember who put it into their heads. Indeed they will be right for I never remember who puts things into my head : it is the Zeitgeist.

I am sorry to have to introduce the subject of Christmas. It is an indecent subject; a cruel, gluttonous subject; a drunken, disorderly subject; a wasteful, disastrous subject; a wicked, cadging, lying, filthy, blasphemous and demoralizing subject. Christmas is forced on a reluctant and disgusted nation by the shopkeepers and the press: on its own merits it would wither and shrivel in the fiery breath of universal hatred; and anyone who looked back to it would be turned into a pillar of greasy sausages.

A drama critic is a man who leaves no turn unstoned.

We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners.

Greatness is one of the sensations of littleness

A serious illness or a death advertises the doctor exactly as a hanging advertises the barrister who defended the person hanged.

Lack of money is the root of of all evil.