When commenting on the turmoil and disorder of the world, If the other planets are inhabited, they must be using this earth as their insane asylum.

People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone can be of another person.

Religion is a good invention in times of stress.

Well, upon my soul! You are not ashamed to stand there and confess yourself a disgusting drunkard.

The capacity of any conqueror is more likely than not to be an illusion produced by the incapacity of his adversary.

Oh, well, if you want original conversations, you'd better go and talk to yourself.

Vitality is a woman is a blind fury of creation.