Sherlock Holmes was a drug addict without a single amiable trait.

A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.

The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

A man ought to be able to be fond of his wife without making a fool of himself about her.

Our way of getting an army able to fight the German army is to declare war on Germany just as if we had such an army, and then trust to the appalling resultant peril and disaster to drive us into wholesale enlistment.