I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

The happiest people I know are the ones that are still working. The saddest are the ones who are retired. Very few performers retire on their own. It's usually because no one wants them. Six years ago Sinatra announced his retirement. He's still working.

Life's but a day at most.

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.

I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still do.

Lots of people have asked me what Gracie and I did to make our marriage work. It's simple - we don't do anything. I think the trouble with a lot of people is that they work too hard at staying married. They make a business out of it. When you work too hard at a business you get tired; and when you get tired you get grouchy; and when you get grouchy you start fighting; and when you start fighting you're out of business.