It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

Just because you're old that doesn't mean you're more forgetful. The same people whose names I can't remember now I couldn't remember fifty years ago. . .

I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.

A young mind in a healthy body is a wonderful thing. Especially for an old man with an open night.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.