Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, 'No ... he's dead.'

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

My major contribution to the format was to suggest that I be able to step out of the plot and speak directly to the audience, and then be able to go right back into the action. That was an original idea of mine; I know it was because I originally stole it from Thornton Wilder's play Our Town.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.