If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.

You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos

Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.

So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.

Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.

My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me.

Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell"