I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

When I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

When I'm not actually doing my work, I'm planning it or thinking about it or reading things that on some level are transformed into performance fantasies. I have no active interests. I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind.

I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?