Never underestimate the role pretension plays when it comes to creating euphemistic language.

By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.

My mother didn't get home until about seven most nights and, yes, there was a sense of being very alone after school. She gave me all the proper guidance and influences, but physically, she just couldn't be there.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.

People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.

My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me.