What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

Every time you're exposed to advertising in America you're reminded that this country's most profitable business is still the manufacture, packaging, distribution, and marketing of bullshit. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure American bullshit.

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a... secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control language because that's the way you control thought, and basically that's the game they're in.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.