What do dogs do on their day off?; Can't lie around – that's their job!

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

You ever notice that? Any time you see two groups of people who really hate each other, chances are good they're wearing different kind of hats. Keep an eye on that, it might be important.

When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.

Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.