I don't think we really gave barbarism a fair try.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: 'I'm saving food!' Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: 'I'm saving my life!'

We will never be an advanced civilization as long as rain showers can delay the launching of a space rocket.

Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.

People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking.

How is it possible to have a civil war?