A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.

The sweetest memory is that which involves something which one should not have done; the bitterest, that which involves something which one should not have done, and which one did not do.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

The bachelors admired freedom is often a yoke, for the freer a man is to himself the greater slave he often is to the whims of others.

So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she's tired.