One does not go to the theater to see life and nature; one goes to see the particular way in which life and nature happen to look to a cultivated, imaginative and entertaining man who happens, in turn, to be a playwright.

All one has to do to gather a large crowd in New York is to stand on the curb a few minutes and gaze intently at the sky.

I drink to make other people interesting.

The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.

Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men.

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.