The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

I drink to make other people interesting.

There is something distinguished about even his failures; they sink not trivially, but with a certain air of majesty, like a great ship, its flags flying, full of holes.

Impersonal criticism?is like an impersonal fist fight or an impersonal marriage, and as successful.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

Beauty makes idiots sad and wise men merry.

Great art is as irrational as great music. It is mad with its own loveliness.