The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

An actor without a playwright is like a hole without a doughnut.

A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.

Criticism is the art of appraising others at one's own value.

A ready way to lose your friend is to lend him money. Another equally ready way to lose him is to refuse to lend him money. It is six of one and a half dozen of the other.

Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.

I have yet to find a man worth his salt in any direction who did not think of himself first and foremost.