The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.

Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she's tired.

Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a brand of beer exactly to his taste, he should at once throw up his job and go to work inthe brewery.

The Russian dramatist is one who, walking through a cemetery, does not see the flowers on the graves. The American dramatist . . . Does not see the graves under the flowers.

All that is necessary to raise imbecility into what the mob regards as profundity is to lift it off the floor and put it on a platform.

Criticism is the art of appraising others at one's own value.

Drama - what literature does at night.