Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.

I never realized I could love people as much as I do now.

If laughter is the best medicine, I promise to continue to make you laugh as my wife and I work together with the National Kidney Foundation to save lives.

I'd love to have Michael Jackson [in my show] because he's black and white. So he would appeal to a universal demographic.

I'm a big fan of reality shows. I thought the first one, Dukes of Hazzard, captured white people perfectly.

A Dodger uniform just doesn't look good with a cummerbund.

The jewelry stores say, 'Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,' while wives tell you they love you with, 'Ok, but just because it's Valentine's Day.'