I can never do nothing in this house!

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.

When we got married, we agreed on a boy for me, and a girl for you. Mine's upstairs sleeping. Good luck with yours!

If laughter is the best medicine, I promise to continue to make you laugh as my wife and I work together with the National Kidney Foundation to save lives.

I'd love to have Michael Jackson [in my show] because he's black and white. So he would appeal to a universal demographic.

We're Mexican not Mexican't!

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!