Finally there is someone that you can invest in that looks like you, speaks like you, relates to things you relate to, and make our culture okay to talk about.

My grandmother instilled in me a toughness that comes with survival. She was a tough lady and never truly enjoyed her life. She would always worry about things and I would tell her that it wasn't going to get her anywhere and it didn't. I wasn't even that smart back then, but I knew that worrying about everyone else wasn't good for her health. As Latinos, we stress and worry so much about the future when the future is today. As long as we protect what's good in our lives, we will be all right.

Laughter survives... it has to survive.

I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!