I'm not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can't say anything really good without offending somebody.

I've gotten in trouble with every race you can imagine.

By the time I was 11, I wanted to be a comedian. So all those years later, I've managed to achieve my dream as a kid, and it wasn't easy. I'm on the [Hollywood] Walk of Fame and I'm one of the 25 most influential Hispanics in America, according to Time Magazine. I think my duty is to go back and tell kids, 'Whatever color you are, wherever you come from, anything and everything is possible.' And I'm living proof.

Sarah Palin is Latina. Pay-leen. She has an infant and a grandkid the same age. Latina!

I can never do nothing in this house!

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.