David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

No Angie, it's instant. Like when someone trips in the cafeteria and you're laughing so hard milk comes out of your nose, the guy next to you is laughing so hard he accidentally farts. BOOM! Friends for life!

It's good to see people not smoking. You get dressed up, and you smoke, and it gets in your clothes. You go, 'What should I wear tonight?' 'I don't know, honey, how about something menthol?'

As long as you're a tax deduction, you'll always be safe in my house.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

Max: What's a period? George: It's a bullet we dodge, go get ready.