David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

I'm not afraid to take on somebody or say something that somebody will find offensive because unfortunately in comedy, you can't say anything really good without offending somebody.

I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely.

When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps.

Look, I made a commitment to corn 17 years ago. Sure, I'm a man. I like to go to a barbecue and see beans that I like: baked beans, red beans, black beans, big plump garbanzos. But in the end, I always come home to my sweet, sweet corn.