I used to be ashamed by the way that I grew up. I tried to lie my way through better times, but when you think that honesty and truth is really your best weapon you embrace it and put it behind you. In the end, it drives you and motivates you to do good work. No one should be ashamed about where they come from as long as you desire to be a compassionate and decent person.

I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in.

David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk.

Y'know, if those pews reclined, and the priests gave the Raiders scores I'd go to church every Sunday.

Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!

So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write

You're never going to be a Yankee for a day, or you're never going to be a Laker, but with Pro-Ams, they allow you to feel like you're a professional golfer and play under their conditions.