I asked many friends if Australian anti-intellectualism was still a living force and they all told me it was. If you are above average intelligence, hide this embarrassing fact.

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

A dog will flatter you but you have to flatter the cat.

To have created a Welfare State was a great achievement; but we must go on to create a Welfare Planet.

Australians are decent people with the right instincts and they wish everybody well; but if all is not well, it is none of their business and they will not lose too much sleep over it. The shrug of the shoulders has become - only temporarily, I daresay - the national gesture of Australia.

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.

Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles.