Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
Gilbert GottfriedThe joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
Gilbert GottfriedIf someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
Gilbert GottfriedOne thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
Gilbert GottfriedI always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a saint 'cause she never actually performed a miracle. And it was towards the end, she was desperate to perform a miracle, so she would go up to starving children and go, 'What's that behind your ear? It's a quarter!
Gilbert Gottfried